Monday, May 25, 2009

Just in Time....The New Oasis of Hope Drop-In Centre

On a September day, 5 years ago...the Oasis of Hope Children's Centre opened its doors for the first time. Over 50 children showed up that first day. To most people, the unassuming little wooden shack with its tin roof, wouldn't look like much. But, sitting there next to the rusty, long-abandoned railroad spur....something amazing was beginning.




The street-children of Kitale, Kenya came that day after hearing rumors that a free breakfast and lunch would be served. They came; long-unbathed, in their dirty and tattered clothes. They came; barefoot and clutching glue-bottles in their hands. Those glue bottles - full of the noxious poison that kept them sedated, helped them sleep at night while it kept their empty bellies from realizing that it had been a while since they had eaten - those glue bottles were their prized possessions.


At the door of the little shack, stood Geoffrey Okumu.


As the children arrived (and the noise, fighting and chaos that always accompanies a group of street-kids high on glue ensued), he silently wondered if he was going to be able to do this after all.


We all know that moment of doubt that precedes a big step into the unknown. We ask ourselves 'What was I thinking?'. But, what differentiates the heroes of this world from the dreamers is the next moment....the plunging in and DOING the thing. And that, is exactly what Geoffrey did that day....he stepped in to the fray and Oasis of Hope was born.




In the 5 years that followed; miracles happened in that little shack. Hundreds of kids went from a life of hopeless despair to one of hope reborn. Children that would have undoubtedly died from malaria, an overdose of glue, a street fight, or just malnutrition - became whole, healthy and strong. Minds that had become dull with idleness - came alive again under the guidance of teachers Joseph and Geoffrey.


Little bellies were filled every morning and afternoon with the delicious meals prepared by Oasis cook, Jane. And woven though every moment was the message that they were worthy of love because God so loved the world that he sent his only Son to die on a cross.




The program grew....children were transitioned into group homes to live as families and attend public school.


Others were enrolled in boarding schools where, despite their past- their futures began to look bright.




Kids began to participate in Scouting, in Soccer leagues, and in Choirs.



Oasis started a church to meet the spiritual needs of these kids and the joyful noise of praise shook the walls of the little shack each Sunday morning.


The Oasis Boys' Gospel Dance Troupe performs at Oasis Church

As of today-Oasis has placed 53 of these children- that the world viewed as not worth a second glance - in public schools.

But, there were always more children needing help. The little shack was bursting at the seams with over 100 children crowding in at its little benches and on the dirt floor. The termites were busy too...eating away at the little structure.



Geoffrey knew it was time to move on...but to WHERE?

In January of 2009...the answer to the question (and the many prayers) came. A wonderful property on an acre and a half of enclosed land became available. The two sturdy brick buildings were the site of a former nursing school that had relocated.



The property had running water....with toilets and showers! There was electricity and even a real kitchen. There were so many rooms- enough for each grade to have their own space.



The property had large, open expanses of grass - a place for the children to run and play...so different from the narrow railroad tracks that had served as a playground for so many years!


But, the cost for this new facility would be much more... $300.00 more a month for the rent alone. That didn't include the costs for water, electricity and the night guard who would be needed. And....with a property this fine...more children would surely come! A blessing, to be sure...but, one that came with added expenses for food and supplies. The budget for Oasis was already stretched beyond the breaking point. Donations were down....way down...since the economy in America had taken such a hit. Was it wise to take on this added expense....even with as wonderful as this property was?

After much prayer....the decision was made to sign the lease.

And, in the way that often happens....God showed that this was indeed the right thing to do. The very next day, the Kenya Railway Commission sent a notice stating that the long abandoned railway spur was to be utilized once again. The little shack that had housed Oasis of Hope for so many years was going to be torn down!!!

So, the big step was taken. The benches, the books, the pencils and crayons, the kids and the staff moved across town to the new Oasis of Hope. All that remains of the old Oasis is the sign that adorned the roofline of the little building.....it was lovingly taken down and now has a prominent spot at the new building.



And so, Oasis of Hope now operates out of a wonderful new facility. As predicted...enrollment has almost doubled. Over 170 children come each day to be fed, bathed, educated and loved. The bright, sunny classes ring with the sound of children learning!


Money is tight to be sure. God continues to provide...but funding remains an enormous challenge. Geoffrey, the staff, and I continue to pray for people who will come alongside of us in this amazing adventure that is Oasis of Hope. Even ten dollars a month can help to feed a child- to change a life. Come and join us....you won't regret it. The old Oasis may be gone....but there are plenty of miracles waiting to happen at the new one!

Oasis of Hope has partnered with Groundspring to facilitate easy giving. You can set up a monthly donation to Oasis (please note that Groundspring charges a 3% fee to process credit card donations).

DonateNow

Or...contact your bank to set up automatic withdrawals. Checks should be be made out to Oasis of Hope and sent to 1600 East Mcfadden Avenue, Santa Ana, CA 92705. Oasis of Hope is a 501c3 non-profit charity and all donations are 100% tax deductible. 100% of all donations go directly to Oasis of Hope in Kitale, Kenya.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

M.I.A No More


Has it really been over 7 months since my last blog posting? I guess I have to admit now that I am an unreliable blogger. I truly am envious of people that have the discipline and the fortitude to blog daily! It isn't as though I don't have creative and interesting things to say. (Well, at least they seem as if they are creative and interesting when I think about them!) 

It is more just the problem of finding the time to sit and write and find the perfect photos to go along with the text. What with trying to keep my landscape contracting business afloat in these crazy economic times, getting my mom's house sold and moving her to Huntington Beach, trying to get my deceased brother's house sold, and constantly trying to make funding ends meet for Oasis....there is hardly a moment to sit and reflect.

And, if I am going to be totally candid- truthfully...the other problem is that I am a bit of a perfectionist - can't stand the idea of posting something that doesn't seem significant. Ha! I guess I need to get over that and just start posting little tidbits of information on a more regular basis. 

With the time that has already gone by...I realize that I may have lost whatever audience I once had here. In a way, that takes away the pressure! OK...I know I have said this before - but I am going to try to post on a more regular basis. 

What would really help is if anybody who reads this would post a comment or two so that I know that I actually DO have readers. Thanks! 

And, on the off-chance that there are actually a few of you who have checked this blog regularly over the past 7 months...only to be disappointed that there has been nothing new to read....I feel as if I should pay a penance to you for my lack of attention. So, in that spirit... I have sifted through my zillions of photos from Kenya and am posting a some of the truly unflattering pics of myself taken over the years for your viewing and laughing pleasure. 



I love sneaking in a funny face!

On a taxi ride....


Teaching useful skills to the boys!



Modeling a 'gift' from one of the Oasis moms! sigh....

Ok.... penance paid. I'm Missing In Action no more!!!





Saturday, October 18, 2008

Hi Mom....Call back please!

Thank God for technology! Yesterday morning as I was getting ready to go to work, I checked the clock as I do many times a day and considered what time it was in Kenya. Until we change the clocks in a week, Kenya time is 10 hours ahead of California time. So, to calculate, I always say "Flip it and subtract 2". By 'flip it', I mean that when it is morning here, it is evening there (and vice-versa). So, if it is 8 am here, it is 6 pm there. In a week, it will be an 11 hour difference, since Kenya doesn't "Fall Back" with their clocks as we do. Of course, when in Kenya, I have to calculate it backwards to figure out the right time to call America. 


An evening at 'home' in Kenya with Moses, Edwin and Martin...calling my mom in America.

Anyway, I usually call the kids in our group homes every week. The best time to call is around 7 pm their time. At that time of evening, they are all home...doing homework, playing in the yard, preparing supper. It is a noisy time of day, to be sure!

So, as I said, I was thinking about calling yesterday around 9 am and then realized that since it was Friday night that the three wonderful 20-something Americans that are staying in Kenya for 6 months and who work with Oasis 3 days per week would be at House 2 having supper with the boys. So, I decided not to disturb them and to wait to call another day. (You can check out their blogs at the right of this page)


Daina with Edwin    

Allison with Paul
Chris with John

Just at that moment...my phone rang. The caller I.D. announced "unknown caller". I picked up the phone and said "Hello". Then a very familiar voice said, "Hi mom. Call back please!" It was the voice of Stuard from House 2.

He had been thinking about me at the same time I had been considering calling them!

Stuard

So, using my international calling plan (which brings my rates down to cents a minute rather than dollars!) I called back to their house dad's phone. The great thing about Kenyan mobile phones is that only the person calling gets charged; unlike our phones where both parties pay. So, as long as they have their phones charged, I can call and it doesn't cost them anything.

After greeting Dad Robert for a few moments, I asked him to put Stuard on the phone. "Hi mom! Thanks for calling back. We just really wanted to speak with you!"

Each of the 7 boys in the house (Stuard, Johnstone, Martin, Joseph, John, Moses and Timothy) took turns with the phone. Our conversations have a predicatable sequence. First come the Kenyan greetings. Greetings are essential in Kenya. "How are you? I am doing fine. How are you? I am good too." They always inquire about my mom, whom they call 'grandmother'...making sure that she fine as well; and always making sure that I promise to "give their greeting" to my mom.


House 2 (from bottom right): John, Joseph, former House dad Simon, Steward, our good friend Heidi, Timothy, Martin, Moses, Me and Johnstone (photo from February 2007) 

They usually ask "How is America?" or "How is California"  and until recently, I always said "Fine, the same as always". But, because I am always truthful with them, this week I said "Things are pretty tough here. Our economy is having some problems. Pray for America." They each replied in earnest sincerity that they would and that America should "Trust God." Hmmm...out of the mouths of babes, eh?

I always ask about school. They all just completed mid-terms exams (in primary school!) and they each told me which subjects they felt that they did well in and which ones they struggled with (usually math!). They told me how they were all going to my house tomorrow to do a Bible Study with Allison, Chris and Daina and get a little tutoring from them as well. 

Some of the boys had special concerns or questions and I did my best to give them encouragement and insight. This week, they all wanted to talk about Edwin (from House 1) running away and tell me what they knew about the situation. I told each of them, "When God opens doors for us, we  have to walk through them. God gives us free will. Edwin used his free will. We have to pray for him and hopefully he will come back soon. He is part of our family. We love him." They all assured me that they would never run away and that they didn't understand why Edwin did. For these boys, who have little family except each other...it is a huge loss to have one of their brothers leave home. They wanted to talk about their feelings and I did my best to council them and reassure them....from half a world away.


Edwin...still not home.

We always end our talks with "I love you and I miss you." Sometimes I get kisses over the line and the question "Did you receive my kiss, mom?". And always the question, "When will you be back?"  

It isn't the same as being there. But, these calls are a lifeline for all of us. I can tell from their voices if they are well and happy. I can tell by the order in which they talk to me if one of them has an issue he doesn't want me to bring up. They know that I always find out about their grades and their behavior from Geoffrey. If one of them has gotten in trouble....he will always be the last one on the line and his hello will always be quiet and tentative. 

I wish I could have this moment back with Edwin. 

I want to be there every day. I want to sit and look into their eyes when they have a problem to discuss. But, for now at least, that isn't possible except for a few months each year. So, as families do.....we make the best of it. Thank God for technology!

Friday, October 17, 2008

They'll break your heart if you let them...ah, but don't you let them.

That title is a line from the old James Taylor song, "You've Got A Friend". I am old enough to remember when that song came out and for some reason I have been hearing that one line in my head for the past several days.

Loving others is the most wonderful thing in life. In the Bible, Jesus said that the two greatest commandments are to love God and to love others. Along with the joy of love, comes the risk of pain. Pain; when those that you love disappoint, hurt or leave.

This blog is not about the romantic kind of love....I am referring to the love that has resulted from opening my heart up to hundreds of kids in Kenya. Loving these kids has taught me the true meaning of love and has transformed my life. It has also made me vulnerable. Moms worry about their kids...they want them to be happy and safe. When my kids are hurting...I hurt too. It's all part of what comes along with loving others.

Now, people that know me will say that I am a "glass half full" kind of girl. I mostly choose to look on the bright and shiny side of things... believing that people are good and that things will just work out right. When it comes to the street kids in Kenya....I really believe that most of them just want a chance for a normal life....school, home, family. Like that Field of Dreams movie line, "If you build it, they will come."....I came into this work believing that if Oasis of Hope provided that chance...that every single kid in need would gratefully come and their lives would be magically transformed into something wonderful and they would live happily ever after. Ok....I know that is a little (ok, a lot) naive. Happily ever after only happens in storybooks and movies. Real life is; well...so much realer!

First of all, there is this little thing called "Free Will" that God gave us....and sometimes it works against what is best for us. Everybody else can see that we are making a really bad decision. In fact, even WE know that we are making a bad decision...but, we do it anyway.

This past week brought some really disappointing news.... 3 of the kids that I love very much have been making some really bad decisions. One, has been choosing to sneak out of his boarding school and hang out with friends on the street for days at a time. Another, after years of coming to the Children's Centre...was finally given his chance to go to school....and now he is getting into fights with his new classmates almost daily. And the hardest one.....one of our boys in a group home...who has lived in that home for over 3 years....packed up his stuff and ran away last Sunday and we don't know where he is.

My first reaction is always shock, "I can't believe that they would DO that!"....but, then I stop and think about how many teenagers in America make equally bad decisions....even after growing up in loving families their whole lives. Sometimes I forget the lives that our kids at Oasis have had....watching parents die at a young age and fending for themselves on the streets. I realize that I often don't understand the depth of the damage that has been done to their emotional well-being.

And then there is the whole "teenager rebellion" factor to take into account, as well. Sixteen year olds all over the world are busy breaking the rules, I guess. It is a natural part of the growing up process.

So, as I sit here, half a world away, I am frustrated and sad that I am not in Kenya when these things happen. I want to sit with these boys and find out what is going on in their heads. I want to go out and look for our missing boy myself and hug him and encourage him to come home. But, I trust Geoffrey and the staff of Oasis of Hope to do these same things. I used to get all worked up and my heart would break every single time...but, I have learned that these dramas work tend to work themselves out.

In the meantime.... all I can do is pray that they will be safe. I believe in the power of prayer to change lives. I'd really appreciate it if you would take a moment and join me in praying that Elvis will get serious about his High School studies, that Silas will settle into boarding school and control his temper and most of all...that Edwin will come home.

I'll keep you posted on what happens....


Silas




Elvis




Edwin

Friday, October 10, 2008

Lights, Action...CAMERA!

I always bring my digital camera to Kenya. The photos from my trips are the primary way I share Oasis of Hope with others and I end up with thousands of photos every time. But, about 80% of those pics are not taken by me. The kids love to take photographs of themselves. Every evening, when I return home...I spend an entertaining hour checking out the photos taken that day.

The boys and girls from our group homes have gotten especially adept at staging themed "photo-shoots" of themselves that often incorporate props...usually with hilarious results.

Johnstone with my sunglasses and a dishtowel....


....this last one is especially funny to me since the photo-shoot was happening while supper was being cooked by Sasha (my business partner's daughter...visiting Kenya for the 3rd time this year) who was completely oblivious to the action taking place right next to her!

This group photo shoot was taken in August of 2007 one Sunday after church. It features Johnstone (of course!), Timothy, John, Martin, Paul, Elvis and Edwin:


The thing that I love the most about these photos is how they portray the spontaneous joy that these kids are now capable of. They aren't smiling because I am prompting them to...they are enjoying each other and exhibiting the silliness that can only come out of a kid that is comfortable and confident in their life.

It has only been a few years since all of these youth were Kitale streetboys....dressed in torn and dirty clothes, barefoot, hungry. Many of them were trapped in the addiction of sniffing glue. I look at them now and can't help but smile and shed a tear at the same time while I thank God that Oasis of Hope has been able to transform so many lives.

Many times the only photographs that come out of Africa are the ones that show the despair and the seeming hopelessness. While I run the risk of having people look at the photographs in this blog and think that these clean, well fed, nicely dressed kids are a world away from the typical Africa photos....I believe that it is important to show the HOPE. Our byline at Oasis of Hope is "Giving hope to the hopeless" and these kids are a perfect example of that sentiment in action.

Paul, Moses, Edwin, and Joseph show that a dog (in this case...my Kenyan dog, Sky) can make a nice prop:


I couldn't resist being part of the action!




Sometimes the photographs that the kids produce take my breath away....as in these dramatic shots of Edwin, Johnstone and Moses:


I can't wait to see what they think of next!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

They Grow Up SO Fast!

I know that I didn't get SHORTER!!!

top photo: Me with Johnstone and Martin in February 2006
lower photo: Me with Martin and Timothy in July 2008


I still feel like I am about 25 years old. I'm NOT saying that I LOOK 25....in fact, sometimes lately I catch my reflection in a window or a mirror or see a photo of myself and think, "Oh my! When did I get so old!!?!"

That being said....all in all, I feel pretty youthful. I think a big part of this denial/young attitude is a result of not having kids when I was in my late 20's or early 30's like many of my peers did. I am always surprised when I meet somebody that is about my same age and they comment that they have kids in college or even more surprising....that they have GRANDKIDS! And then I do the math and realize that had my life taken a different path that I too could be a grandmother right now!

Over the past few weeks, I have been organizing the thousands of photos that I have taken of the kids at Oasis of Hope. As I look at some of the photographs taken 4 years ago and compare them to pics taken just a month ago....I am finally starting to understand how the passage of time is most reliably felt as you watch your kids get older.

Taking a boy or girl out of life on the street or life in a slum where food has been a luxury and not a given and then just feeding them 3 meals a day causes a remarkable change....in a really short period of time. Geoffrey (managing Oasis in Kenya) and I have finally learned not to buy too many sets of clothes for a child that is just coming off of the street because they outgrow them in just a few weeks when they start to eat regularly!

I have seen some of our boys actually grow over a foot in height in just a year!

So....I guess I am finally starting to "feel" my age a little bit as these boys and girls that I met as little kids are turning into young men and women. Of course, there are always new little ones coming into the program....the sad fact of Africa. I always say that the best day will be when we can hang a "closed" sign on the children's centre because there aren't any more kids in need of help. Wishful thinking on my part, I'm afraid.

I know for sure that some of these kids wouldn't be alive right now if not for Oasis of Hope. Malaria can kill a kid in a few days when they are on the street. Life is violent on the street too. I thank God every day that Oasis has been able to transform the lives of so many children.

But, there are so many more...waiting...waiting for THEIR chance....to go to school, to live in a home, to be safe and warm and dry in a bed at night. That is what keeps ME awake at night...praying for more people to come alongside me and the growing family of people who love these kids and who share the blessings of their own lives so that another child can be set free from a life of hunger, sickness, violence, and separation from God.

So here are some 'then' and 'now' photos of my "sons" and "daughters" in Kitale.
And like any mom would...I have to say I very proud I am of ALL of them!

But they do grow up SO fast!

Shaaban in January of 2005 and now (just enrolled in 7th Grade!)



Timothy (Timo) in January 2005 and now (a future Chef!)

Steward in January 2005 and now (doing great in 6th!)


Adorable Donald in January 2004 and now ( a busy 3rd grader!)


Beautiful Centrine in January 2005 and now (doing so well in 6th grade!)


Paul in September of 2005 on his first day of school and now (doing great in 6th)


Martin in February 2006 and now (top of his class in 7th grade!)



Elvis in January of 2005 and now (in his first year of High School!)

Johnstone in January 2006 and now (thriving in 7th grade!)



Ann, Nancy and Sheila in January of 2005 and Nancy, Ann and Sheila now (all doing well in school!)


Joseph...in March of 2006 and now (an active 6th grader!)



Bramwel: January 2005 and now (6'2" in the 6th grade and still growing!)


"Little" Evans in January of 2005 and now (doing awesome in 3rd grade!)




Sunday, October 5, 2008

Remembering my brother Tim

Today is a little bit off-topic. But, it is my blog...so I get to do that sometimes.

A year ago tomorrow (October 6), my brother Tim died. He was 45 years old. A sudden heart attack stole his life way too soon. This year has passed in a blur...sometimes it seems like it was yesterday and then other days it feels like a decade ago that I last spoke to my brother... even though in reality it was just a few weeks before his death.

my birthday 2003
Fourth of July 2001

Thanksgiving 2003

I was in Kitale for 3 weeks in the summer of 2007... from the end of August until the early part of September. I remember because I flew home on September 11. By the way... September 11 is a good day to fly because the planes are all pretty empty and security is really high. Anyway, I had been home only a few weeks when my world changed completely with the loss of my only sibling.


2007

It is difficult to describe my relationship with my brother. In a word, it was unpredictable. Honestly, Tim could make me laugh more than anybody on the planet...


...and he could also make me madder than anybody, if he chose to. But, no matter how furious I was at him...I loved him with all of my heart. He was my little brother - all 6+ feet of him. He called me Lyd, one of the few people that was allowed to use that silly nickname. He was almost 5 years younger than me and when we were kids, he adored me and followed me everywhere calling me "sister dear"- so, so, so long ago. I can still hear his voice saying "I love you, Lyd." and I pray that I will always be able to remember that.

sister and brother

The past 3 years has been a time of devastating loss in my family - first my wonderful stepdad, Lew in July of 2005, then my mom's mom - my 'Gaga', at the beginning of 2007 and finally Tim last October.

Lew and Gaga

All that is left of my immediate family is mom and I. Yes, there is some extended family here and there, but the years have moved everybody to different places in life and geography and sadly, many have died as well. I remember the huge family gatherings when we were kids. Holidays are a time for family, but mom and I are pretty much alone now and these supposed-to-be festive times of year are pretty difficult to get through.


me and mom

I guess that is part of the reason that I love being in Kenya so much .... being surrounded by my kids is like having the giant family that I always wanted, but never had here in the states.


with a few of my Kenyan "sons" in July

So, today as every day, I remember my brother. I wish you had known him. He was smart and funny. He loved animals - so much that he couldn't bear to hear a sad story about one. When he was a little boy, he couldn't watch Lassie without crying.


He loved nature and being out in it. He was a surfer and a skateboarder from the time that skateboards were invented. He was always traveling off to some outdoor destination or another....and loved the ocean, the mountains and the desert equally.

Tim (yellow shirt) circa 1977



He was a sculptor and a painter and the art that he created the last few years of his life is powerful with the raw emotion that it portrays.



art by Tim

He was an expert on a vast array of things that most people know little about - art pottery, native plants of California, vintage neckties. We often remarked that he was born after his time. He was a renaissance man and was more comfortable with things that were from bygone eras...clothes, furnishings, music.


2007

And he was handsome...so very handsome. His eyes were the most startling shade of blue and his jaw was strong and square. He could have been a movie star if he had wanted to....combining those looks with his flair for the dramatic.


2007

We shared a love of words and he expressed his deepest feelings through poetry. In the last few years of his life, he would occasionally pick up the phone (usually late at night) and call me to ask how to spell a certain word or to help him think of a synonym or to just read me a snippet of the latest poem he was working on. I think it was just an easy way to reach out to me which was something he wasn't all that comfortable doing. I often sensed that he felt that we were in some kind of competition. I never really will understand that.

He was a locksmith by trade, having taken over the family business from our dad. He didn't ever want to be a lockmith but somehow, he wound up being one and he was very skilled at it. He inherited our father's strong work ethic and was an amazingly hard worker when he put his mind to something. He was singlehandedly rebuilding his house bit by bit and sadly was only half finished when he died.


2007

Tim had a vast circle of friends and acquaintances that were passionate about their relationship with him. He kept all of his friends, even those from when he was a kid and all of his old girlfriends. Well over a hundred people came to his memorial last year. They came from all over the country with only a few days notice. They wanted to talk about their love for him and share their memories and remember his smile and his goofy humor.


Even now, a year later, as the administrator of his estate....I often speak with the customers of his business who have just found out about his death and they tell me stories about kind deeds Tim did for them. One elderly Romanian lady told me that when she called Tim out to work on her locks once a year or so, that he would sit with her for hours - drinking her strong coffee and listening to her stories. She wept when she heard the news of his death. I have heard countless stories like this over the past year and they revealed a lot to me about the man that my brother was.

Honestly though, he wasn't a saint. He suffered from depression and was often a loner. During the dark times, he would try to push people away. They rarely stayed away, though.

He could be too loud and he loved to say things just for the shock value. That was Tim.

2007

He didn't spend a lot of time with our family during the last decade or so of his life. When our father passed away on September 1, 1998; Tim was the one who discovered him dead in his bed. He never really recovered from that and I think that event caused him to pull away, not wanting to get too close to any of us - in case he lost us too. I was often mad at him for not spending more time with Mom. She understood. I didn't and I used up a lot of time that I could have spent with Tim being angry at him instead.

mom and Tim

I regret that we weren't closer as adults. I don't even have any photos of the two of us together after 2003. Life has a way of making you think that there will always be more time. We never really know how long we have with the people we love. I know you have heard this before - but don't waste time- take the time every day to show the people in your life that you love them. Make an effort to reach out to them when they are difficult and irritating and love them anyway. I wish I had done that with my brother and hopefully he knows that and forgives me for not being there for him.

Every few days I see or hear something that makes me think, "Oh Tim would love this!" and then I remember that I can't just pick up the phone and share it with him. Then I cry a bit. That part doesn't seem to be getting any better. I wonder if it ever will.

I love you and miss you Tim but I know that one day we will be together again.

2007